There has always been an unwritten rule in the Indian tradition that a girl has to get married and that too before she turns 25. As soon as our age starts ticking above this, panic bells start ringing at homes. Go see this guy, he is very sweet. The definition of sweet comes from the fact that he owns 12 petrol bunks or a BMW. All the parents think about is settling their girl in a family loaded with money. They give more importance to money that they don’t pause to think for a second if the girl will be happy in that god forsaken, unknown family (I am not against the groom's family. I am just showing my concern for the bride, incase..!). I can’t deny the fact that money is essential for the safely of a girl but it does not essentially mean that she will end up being happy. The girl should be given freedom and independence to think and decide because she is the one who ultimately has to spend the rest of her life in that family.
It is only after her decision (in most of the cases) that the marriage takes place. In case the marriage of two souls doesn’t work out thanks to the husband's chauvinism or the girl's expectations, the girl is considered a sinner (even now it’s the girl who takes the blame!). Her happiness has no place in the house. "Stay there and be happy with what you have," says her mom. Her dad on the other hand tries to pacify her saying all the in laws are crazy forgetting the fact that he was once and still is a nagging husband with an equally pissing off family. And so the girl learns to lead an unhappy but safe life.
My mom is especially against re marriages. She has this strong opinion that if one union doesn’t work out, it will never work out with any body else! This is the topic that we usually argue about (though I am no way concerned about what happens to me). We take examples like Lara Dutta and Mahesh Bhupathi while discussing about relationships. She wants the girl to stay alone all her life if the first marriage doesn’t work out. Her argument is based on the fact that if a girl can’t adjust to a guy she will never be able to adjust with any body else. I keep reverting back that the compatibility level changes from person to person and she might infect find an other person who understands her better than the previous one.
It is only after her decision (in most of the cases) that the marriage takes place. In case the marriage of two souls doesn’t work out thanks to the husband's chauvinism or the girl's expectations, the girl is considered a sinner (even now it’s the girl who takes the blame!). Her happiness has no place in the house. "Stay there and be happy with what you have," says her mom. Her dad on the other hand tries to pacify her saying all the in laws are crazy forgetting the fact that he was once and still is a nagging husband with an equally pissing off family. And so the girl learns to lead an unhappy but safe life.
My mom is especially against re marriages. She has this strong opinion that if one union doesn’t work out, it will never work out with any body else! This is the topic that we usually argue about (though I am no way concerned about what happens to me). We take examples like Lara Dutta and Mahesh Bhupathi while discussing about relationships. She wants the girl to stay alone all her life if the first marriage doesn’t work out. Her argument is based on the fact that if a girl can’t adjust to a guy she will never be able to adjust with any body else. I keep reverting back that the compatibility level changes from person to person and she might infect find an other person who understands her better than the previous one.
The argument still goes on between mom and me. But we never agree to what each other say. She lived in an era where re marriages were considered paltry and vulgar and I cannot change that sociological perception. In this era re marriages are as common as buying vegetables and I do not appreciate it as well. All I want is that re marriages are good once the girl realizes that she will be able to live a happy and peaceful life with her mate as against living an unhappy and groggy life with the one who can never give her the want to live for him.
Cheers,Aishwarya Kumar
Very well written Aishwarya. =) I agree with what your POV. Compatibility levels always varies. One person may have 50% compatibility with A, but have 70% compatibility with B. So yeah.
ReplyDeleteI believe that it all comes down to what makes YOU (or anyone else) happy. When I'm getting married I'd prefer being happy rather than just 'safe'. At the end of the day, it's my life, my marriage, and I can't just get into one which wont let me be happy.
A lot of elders don't feel that way. I know someone who had gone through a divorce & got married to someone else. The husband was treated as a saint, while the wife was treated as the sinner. No one realized that she wasn't happy in the marriage. She is now married to someone she truly loves and is living a very happy life.
Screw the society.
I DO AGREE WITH YOU AISH. IN THAT CASE WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A THOROUGH INTERVIEW WITH THE GUY YOUR PARENTS SELECT (BY TH WAY I DIDN'T MEAN THE ACTUAL INTERVIEW AND THIS IS NOT PARTICULARLY FOR U). MY FAMILY MEMBERS ALWAYS SAY THAT NEITHER BACKGROUND OF THE FAMILY IS IMPORTANT NOR ABOUT THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE GUYS FAMILY, THEY JUST WANT THE GIRL AND THE GUY TO MEET EACH OTHER AND SHARE THEIR VIEWS.......IF THAT IS OK THEN THERE IS NO NEED OF DISCUSSING ABOUT THE 12 BUNKS AND THE BMW RITE.....BECAUSE THAT ISN'T GONNA COME ALONG WITH THE COUPLE LONG LIFE.IF ALL THIS IS FINE THERE WILL BE NO NEED OF ANOTHER OPTION CALLED SECOND MARRIAGE.......BY THE WAY UR MOMS OPINION IS ALSO NOT WRONG SINCE WE ALL LIVE IN A RESPECTABLE SOCIETY AND THAT MATTERS FOR EVERY FAMILY, BY THE WAY U ALSO NO THAT PEOPLE MAKE A BIG DRAMA OF NOTHING IN TODAY'S WORLD BECAUSE THEY ARE MORE INTERESTED IN OTHERS PERSONAL MATTERS THAN THEIR OWNS.
ReplyDeleteOkay Vinitha, I know the reply is late, but I do have to answer you. 1st of all I am against interview concept. Be it the girl or the guy, going and meeting the person and having a conversation is something very momentary. No matter how much you talk during that conversation you will never be able to gauge that person. secondly, what do you mean share their views? How do you expect them to know each other's compatibility rates in like a meeting or two? If that is what you would like to do before you decide to live with that person for the rest of your life, then it is up to you. But any normal person would get to know that person before actually deciding to live with him/her for the rest of eternity. Thirdly,you contradict your own statement. You just said they share their views and then if they are fine with each others opinions, they get married. what happens if views and opinions change? or becomes different after a point? Or what if you are two totally different people with same opinions on few things? After a point, if you don't get along obviously you will be unhappy. your opinion of no second marriage is snubbed there itself because who wants to waste their one life pretending to be someone else or be unhappy? lastly, What are you going to do thinking about what the society thinks of you? You are not living for others but yourself. You have one life, why would you listen to what the society has to think about you?
ReplyDeleteHi, I just now started reading your blog. At first this topic attracted than others so I started with this . And this is an very important topic to be discussed by youngsters of this generation, coz it has become quite a usual thing. The way you have written also adds some more interest to read it. Do you believe that reunion would lead to an happy life? But here raises a doubt, what if a person takes 2 or more reunion to get a correct one. will it be a called a life?, will they be respected in society ?(especially if women remarriage she would be called something else rather than a lady). This will degrade our culture and so I will stand by your mom side (if she cant be happy with a union she won’t be able to with another union). As you said marriages have become as common as buying vegetable I too admit it. The reason for the breakup of the union must be a worth one, which is not so for breakup of nowadays. The marriage life can be lead only if adjustment & love is happening between the couples.(we would see between our mom and dad).
DeleteOkay, one second. How does it matter if you have to go through two failed relationships, to get to the third one? The thrid or for that matter, the fourth might prove to be 'the relationship' for you and you might be happy ever after. "Will it be called a life?" Seriously, I don't think you understand the meaning of life. Life is called thus only if you make mistakes, learn out of it and emerge out successful. So if a girl is unhappy with a guy and finds somebody else who she is happy with, who are you to judge her?
DeleteAnd something other than a lady? Who are you? Moral police? She knows what she is doing. You are nobody to poke your nose into her business. She sleeps with three or for that matter 100 men, you are nobody to question her, because it is her principles, it is her life. "Respected in society?" Are you in the 1950s? Because seriously I don't give a damn about what people around me think about me. If the society wants to talk, let them talk. It is my "only" life and I will not live it on their conditions and morals. And last, think twice before slut shaming in my blog because I will rip you apart, not literally, but with my words because I have had enough men coming up to me and saying "how will you be respected in the society? or you are not holding your name or culture aloft."
Aishwarya Kumar.